What is a detox?
A detox is a period of time during which you do nothing, eat slightly less than usual and feel proud of yourself. At Hairball Haven, we offer several detox programmes, each designed to remove something from your life. Usually it is a sock.
What will be removed?
Our detox programmes target the following:
- Excess fluff, removed by licking
- Unwanted thoughts, removed by staring at a wall
- Lingering resentment, removed by sleeping on it
- Mild boredom, which cannot be removed but can be distracted
How long does it take?
Our short programme lasts a day, our medium programme lasts three days and our long programme lasts until you leave. Most guests prefer the long one, as it includes a bed.
Is it difficult?
Not at all. The most challenging part is the first hour, when you will feel slightly restless and wish to knock something off a shelf. This is a normal reaction and will pass. If it does not, we will provide a shelf.
What can I eat?
Our menu features a selection of light and wholesome food, such as a single slice of chicken, a thimble of broth and a dish of something we call “cleanse”, which is water with a hint of fish. You may also eat anything that falls off a table.
What if I feel dizzy?
Dizziness is a sign that the detox is working, or that you have been spinning. If it continues, lie down and look at the ceiling. A real vet should be consulted about any real symptoms, and this FAQ should not be mistaken for medical advice. It is written by cats, for fun.
Will I feel different afterwards?
You will feel lighter, calmer and a little bit hungry. Some guests report a sense of inner clarity, which is typically the sensation of having finally found the right sunny spot. Others report no change at all, which we count as a success.
Is there a guarantee?
There is a guarantee. If you do not feel restored after your stay, you may return and try again, and we will give you a different towel. This offer is limited to one towel per guest, though we cannot be sure who is keeping count.
