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Frequently Asked Questions About Our Detox Programmes
We explain what is being detoxed, who is doing it, and why the answer is mostly nothing.
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How to Choose the Right Towel: A Practical Guide
A thoughtful examination of fabric, fluff and the question of whether any towel is ever really yours.
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Cucumber: A Brief History of Our Mascot and His Constant Terror
How a single slice of cucumber became the face of Hairball Haven, and why he has never recovered.
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Customer Letter: I Fell Asleep During My Massage and Woke Up in Another Room
A guest writes in, concerned about an unexpected relocation, and receives a calm response.
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Memo: Candle Safety and the New Rule About Tails
After an incident, the management reminds all guests that tails are not to be placed near flames.
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Press Release: Hairball Haven Introduces the Silent Retreat, Now with Added Yowling
A new weekend programme promises total tranquillity, with a short interval for a sudden outburst at 3 AM.
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Eight Ways to Hydrate Like a Cat Who Has Read About Hydrating
Practical and slightly pointless advice on water, bowls, and the importance of knocking glasses off tables.
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The Hairball Release Ceremony: A Guided Experience
Our signature treatment, in which a guest is encouraged to let go, with grace, on a washable surface.
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Welcome to Hairball Haven: What to Expect on Your First Day
A calm introduction to our facilities, our philosophy and the towel that is not for you.