From: Madame Fluffernutter Voss
To: All guests and staff
Subject: Candles, and the matter of tails
Dear all, I write with a heavy heart and a slightly singed whisker. Over the weekend, a minor incident occurred in the aromatherapy room. No one was seriously hurt, but several cats were startled, and the candle has asked for time to reflect.
What happened
On Saturday, a guest named Biscuit entered the room and sat beside the candle. Her tail, which she had not noticed, swung gently and came into contact with the flame. A brief and dramatic scene followed, during which Biscuit launched herself vertically and landed on the towel rack. She is unharmed. The towel rack is not.
New rules
Effective immediately:
- Tails must be kept at least thirty centimetres from any candle
- Guests must check the position of their tail before sitting down
- Tails that cannot be located shall be reported to reception
- Candles will be moved to higher surfaces, from which they will be knocked
A note on the aromatherapy
We remain committed to the practice of aromatherapy, a gentle and fragrant tradition. Our scents include Lavender Nap, Catnip Mist and Warm Radiator. The last is our most popular, though technically it is a smell of dust.
On safety
Please note that we are a parody spa and that real candles near real cats can be dangerous. If you have a real cat, please use flameless candles and keep them away from whiskers. We say this with sincerity, and with the understanding that cats will do what they like.
Gratitude
I would like to thank the staff for their quick response, particularly Pounce Delacroix, who calmly extinguished the situation with a damp towel. I would also like to thank Cucumber the mascot, who watched everything with an expression of horror, as is his habit.
Closing
Let us move forward in peace, in good health and with our tails firmly behind us. Namaste, or as we say, mrrp.
Madame Fluffernutter Voss
