This month’s letter comes from a long standing guest, whom we shall call Mr Whiskers, for that is what he is called.
Dear Hairball Haven. During my last appointment, I fell asleep on the massage table. When I woke, I was in the hallway, on a cushion, wrapped in a towel. I have no memory of moving. Please explain.
Our reply
Dear Mr Whiskers,
Thank you for your letter. We are happy to explain. During your massage, you entered a deep state of relaxation, which we call the “full loaf”. At this point, your body became very still and very heavy, and our therapist, Pounce Delacroix, found that you had begun to snore.
What we did
Pounce had another appointment waiting, so she made the decision to move you. This was done with great care. A towel was placed beneath you, and you were pushed gently along the floor until you reached the hallway. Your expression did not change.
Our view
We regard this as a service. Many guests wish to sleep for a long time after a treatment, and we do not want them to feel hurried. The hallway offers a quiet environment with plenty of passing foot traffic and an excellent view of the door.
Next steps
- Please be assured that you were treated with respect throughout
- If you wish, we can place a small sign around your neck saying “Sleeping, do not move”
- Alternatively, you may remain awake, though we do not recommend this
- We have attached a voucher for one free nap, to be taken in a location of your choice
Concluding remarks
We value every guest and hope you will return soon. On your next visit, you may find that your massage table has been replaced with a slightly larger one, owing to your position in the hallway. We hope you enjoy it.
With warm regards,
Madame Fluffernutter Voss
This is a satirical exchange. Real spas will usually wake you up first.
